Help! There's a TARANTULA in my Toilet!
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| The Criminal |
Today’s adventure is truly an adventure! This doesn’t really happen to everyone!
About 1AM one night, my mother burst into my room. I was, of course, fast asleep. I heard her say, in a hushed and hurried whisper—that probably would have been a shriek if the kids were not asleep—“Wake up! Wake up! I think there is a tarantula in my toilet!”
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| The Scene of the Crime |
Like anyone would, I shot out of bed, half conscious, and rushed into her bathroom.
As I am running, my mother is saying, “It is hanging right under the rim of the bowl! I got up to go to the bathroom and it was just hanging there! I could see its fuzzy legs! I turned away because I didn’t believe it, but when I turned back, it was swimming around in there and heading for the bottom. I stared at it for a few seconds in disbelief and it swam down the hole! I could see the little ripples it was making when it was swishing its legs around! But I’m afraid it might have climbed back up when I went to get you!”
Like anyone would, I shot out of bed, half conscious, and rushed into her bathroom.
As I am running, my mother is saying, “It is hanging right under the rim of the bowl! I got up to go to the bathroom and it was just hanging there! I could see its fuzzy legs! I turned away because I didn’t believe it, but when I turned back, it was swimming around in there and heading for the bottom. I stared at it for a few seconds in disbelief and it swam down the hole! I could see the little ripples it was making when it was swishing its legs around! But I’m afraid it might have climbed back up when I went to get you!”
I had no idea if she was dreaming--or if I was, for that matter--or if she had really seen something. By this point, however, I had pretty much no choice but to take her word for it and go hunting.
Now, as I am the catcher and killer of all things creepy, crawly and gross at my house, I vigilantly examined the inside of the toilet bowl. Seeing nothing, I warily felt around the inside. Then I checked completely around the outside of the bowl and the base of the toilet. No sign of him. Then I thoroughly investigated behind the commode, between it and the wall. I even probed the tiny space behind the tank. Nothing. (Thank you.)
Then I gingerly lifted the top of the tank off, fearing that it had somehow made its way up in there. I checked under and around all the moving parts inside the tank and once again, thankfully, found nothing. In the meantime, my mother is peering over my shoulder, but in a cowering tense manner as if she would shoot backwards and explode in terror if there was even a hint of black furriness anywhere.
I was not putting up a brave front, either. I know all too well how frightening, although harmless, these creatures can be. I was armed with a flyswatter I had grabbed on the way to my mom's bathroom. I was poised through this entire search to swat first and ask questions later!
You may be thinking that Mom was just half-awake and dreaming, and, as I admitted earlier, I did, too--at first. But my mother is a very logical, no-nonsense kind of woman. And there was so much detail in her description, I couldn’t help but believe she was telling the truth. Further, we had had a very late night and she actually WASN’T asleep, so there is no way she was dreaming. She is not someone who would make this all up just for fun.
Having found nothing, I flushed the toilet a few times for good measure. I gave my mother the “all clear” and she reluctantly allowed me to head back to my bed. As I lay there thinking about the incident while trying to fall back to sleep, some plausible explanations for there being a tarantula in the house came to mind. As I considered these possibilities, I became a firm believer in there actually having been a tarantula in the toilet.
These are the arguments I presented to myself:
1. We lived in West Texas in the middle of the Upper Chihuahuan Desert. Tarantulas, rattlesnakes, Black Widows, lizards, scorpions, and various other "beasties" are very common here. They are just a fact of life and occasionally get into homes and buildings.
2. It was spring. As soon as the weather starts to warm up a bit, all of the above-mentioned creatures start coming out of hibernation. It is still somewhat cold at night, however, and these critters seek warm places to maintain their body temperatures. Tarantulas are basically nocturnal, but occasionally, you can see them sunning themselves in the daytime. They love warm sand and concrete, as these hold their heat well, even into the evening. Since they are, however, primarily night-lovers, my mother probably just startled the spider when she turned on the light.
3. It had rained a lot in the few days preceding all this. Tarantulas love water and come out of their burrows to seek it once they start waking up from hibernation. In fact, there are places in the area where there are huge "tarantula migrations". When these occur, huge "hordes" of hundreds or possibly thousands of tarantulas cross the road to a new food, water or shelter source on the other side. This is especially common when a field has just been plowed, or if there are standing water puddles in it. Searching for water is another possible reason there may have been a tarantula swimming around in the toilet bowl.
4. We have many flower beds around our yard. The dirt in them is very soft, mellow and well-aerated, which is perfect for animals to dig into. We have lots of strange holes in the beds which we always thought were places that squirrels had been burying their bounty and hadn’t fully covered them up. But these “holes” are more like tiny caves, usually near the bases of plants where it would be shady and cool during the heat of the day, or warm and cozy during the chill of winter. They are about the size of a two-year-old’s fist, which, interestingly, is about the same size as a tarantula’s body. So, it slowly dawned on me that the holes could possibly be tarantula burrows where they had spent the winter and recently dug themselves out.
5. We had just had a plumber at our house a couple of days earlier as our kitchen drains had backed up. The plumber had left the cap off the sewer clean-out in our yard, which happens to be in a flower bed directly under my mother’s bathroom window. It is also very near to a couple of the strange “holes” I mentioned earlier. It is entirely possible that the tarantula crawled out of its burrow and was drawn to the sewer clean-out as it searched for water. It probably swam right down the clean out and up into my mother’s toilet—a distance of about 15 feet.
So, yes, I do believe there was a real-live tarantula in the toilet.
It also dawned on me that the next day my two teenaged daughters would be home alone and the youngest would be there part of the time by herself. Not being 100% sure that the thing had been flushed away, knew I needed to give them instructions on how to catch the giant spider if it emerged when I wasn’t home. We had had tarantulas before at our house, but never inside--just outside. So I had to make sure they knew not only how to CATCH it, but also how to get rid of it and not KILL it.
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| Gray Tarantula Indoors |
It also dawned on me that the next day my two teenaged daughters would be home alone and the youngest would be there part of the time by herself. Not being 100% sure that the thing had been flushed away, knew I needed to give them instructions on how to catch the giant spider if it emerged when I wasn’t home. We had had tarantulas before at our house, but never inside--just outside. So I had to make sure they knew not only how to CATCH it, but also how to get rid of it and not KILL it.
I mean, can you imagine trying to clean up THAT mess? The things are the size of a small Chihuahua! Its guts would be splattered all over the place and we would be cleaning up the mess for DAYS!!! Not something I want to deal with.
So, to start with, you must catch them. How? Well, the first thing you need to understand is that while they may be big, tarantulas do NOT move slowly. They can walk, but mostly they jump and hop around. And they can jump a long way if they want to, so you have to be really quick to catch them. Imagine Speedy Gonzales the mouse after two pots of coffee and five energy drinks, and you start to get an idea of how these guys move. They’re FAST!
I explained to use a dustpan and the brush that goes with it. You just catch it in this and then carry it outside. Simple right? Ri-i-i-i-i-ight (she says sarcastically). Once you manage to scoop the tarantula into the dustpan—which is much easier said than done—you put the brush down on top of the spider to hold it in place. To catch it, you can also put the brush down on top of the spider and gently guide it into the dustpan. Once you get it into the dustpan, you will have to press down fairly firmly with the brush to keep it there, or it will just jump out of the pan. you press down firmly on it, but not so firmly as to squish the spider--Major Royal EEEWWWW!
That’s the easy part.
The hard part comes in trying to get the spider outside without it escaping. You have to keep holding it down and then get the outside door open. Once you manage that, the screen door is easy to open with your elbow. The hard part is to do all this while maintaining pressure on the spider (but not enough to squish it) and not ever taking your eyes off it, or it will be gone!
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| Spider Catcher Kit |
Once the critter is outside, you can just give it a toss out into the yard, but it may just wander back in to your house. Your best bet is to get it out into the street where you can finally let it jump off your dustpan and scamper away.
At this point, the biggest problem is to get the spider to go the right direction--away. I did this once and all went fairly smoothly unit I got to this point. When I removed the brush, the spider jumped as planned. I, however, suddenly found myself eye-to-eyes-to EYES with the thing, which had landed on my chest! I screamed and jumped backwards, which threw the terrified creature off. Again, it jumped and this time caught itself on my thigh! Oh, the HORROR! I was finally able to push it off with the dustpan and escaped -- scarred for life!
I really didn't want this to happen to my kids!
Actually, you have to tip the dustpan down a little and forward and then as you lift the brush, give it a little push forward and away from yourself like you are serving the ball in a ping-pong game. This way, the spider can only jump forward and away from you. If it still lands too close for comfort, you can use the pan to give the critter a little push to fling it farther away from yourself. If it tries to head back towards your house, put the dust pan down to redirect it, or give it another little push in the opposite direction. Then get out of the street!
My kids were completely freaked out--TERRIFIED is a more accurate term--but assured me they could handle it if the situation arose.
Fortunately, the tarantula hasn’t made another appearance (that we are aware of, anyway), but there could always be some lurking around somewhere. Although knowing how to catch tarantulas is important for the kids to know, they haven't needed to use the information yet. I hope it never is needed, but this knowledge may come in handy for my girls one day. Maybe it will even be something you are glad you know how to do someday, too.
You just never know what might be lurking in your toilet at one o'clock in the morning!
Happy Hunting!
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